


is this moving forward?

by shesthemuscle



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Angst, Gen, Internal Conflict, Spoilers, post-episode scene, sanders asides spoilers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-23
Updated: 2019-11-23
Packaged: 2021-02-27 00:28:23
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 508
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21538279
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shesthemuscle/pseuds/shesthemuscle
Summary: Post-Are There Healthy Distractions, Patton reflects on the movie, the Sides and his feelings.
Comments: 4
Kudos: 32





	is this moving forward?

**Author's Note:**

> IF YOU HAVEN'T WATCHED "ARE THERE HEALTHY DISTRACTIONS?" YET, STOP...DO NOT PASS GO AND DO NOT COLLECT $200. GO WATCH THE EPISODE THEN COME BACK. 
> 
> THERE ARE SPOILERS FOR THE EPISODE. 
> 
> THE WHOLE FICLET IS A SPOILER TBH.

Movie night was good even though Roman rigged the results so Patton’s not too put out by that as he forces himself to smile when he and the others go their separate ways, back to their respective rooms.

It wasn’t a good distraction though.

He lets the smile fall off of his face the moment he’s in his room before taking off his onesie. Folding it up, he places it on his chair as he lets out a sigh before sitting down on the edge of his bed, placing his hands in his hands.

Everyone gave him a lot to think about and he didn’t miss the comments Logan made though he did his best to ignore them at the time with Roman’s remarks and worse, Virgil’s behavior.

Weren’t they best friends? Maybe it was all in Patton’s head and Virgil only tolerates him for Thomas’ sake and would prefer to only deal Logan and Roman, Virgil’s _friends._

Tears slip down his cheeks.

Why is everything he tries to contribute, try to do… _wrong_?

Why do they always forget he’s at the core of all of Thomas’ feelings, not just his happy ones…his good ones.

Gosh darn it, he hates how much he relates to Anna at this moment. None of the others saw beyond his comment about her and he almost wishes they did.

“don’t let them in, don’t let them see…” he whispers to himself.

Even tonight was too much hands on, so maybe the only way forward the others will approve of is to be hands off/put some distance between himself and the others so they can be themselves without his judgment and criticism.

Maybe its time to put away the ‘Dad Identity’ all together.

He loves his famILY so this is what he’s gotta do to show it and it’s for the best really. After all, he fooled them all before so he can do it again. They never look beyond the surface.

What’s one more change?

He whimpers, wishing he had someone to comfort him, to hug and tell him this isn’t the right way, the healthy way to deal with everything. But he doesn’t and he can’t go to any of the others, they won’t listen.

He whimpers again, missing his ‘friendship’ with Virgil, the only one he’d be comfortable sharing these thoughts with but that time is in the past now and he’s gotta deal with this all on his own.

He can’t ask Virgil or any of the others to take on his burdens as well as their own.

He’s already hurt them enough as it is.

Patton takes a couple of deep breaths to calm down before focusing on locking away anything ‘childish’ and ‘impractical’.

The skill to lock away things and feelings comes back to him like second nature.

The truth is…he’s not as good as he likes to think he is and the others are reacting to that.

Maybe this is what he deserves.

“Oh, _unsweet_ Patton. Finally, _not seeing_ the light, aren’t you?”


End file.
